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Rhyme and Reason

Title: Rhyme and Reason
Pairing: Susan/Caspian
Rating: PG

Summary: Nobody made her leave.



Author's Notes: This came out of a writing excercise I tried yesterday. Ipod set to shuffle, flicking through songs and writing scenes inspired by whatever songs my muse appreciated...you know the drill. If you're interested in the song that prompted this piece, it's called A Minor Detail by Hidden In Plain View. It's a lovely song by a lovely band

Also, this is completely unedited. Sorry if I've done anything seriously stupid.

--

Nobody made her leave.

Aslan never made them do anything they weren't ready for. He offered her the choice to stay. If she had wanted, she could have stayed in Narnia and ruled by Caspian's side.

She knew long before she ever touched him that it wouldn't last. Heaven only knew he tried - they both did. Sometimes, when they lay side by side just staring into each other's eyes, she tried to convince herself that things could stay this way forever. The way he smiled when she caught his eye; the way he spent hours dreaming up gifts to present her, wide-eyed and nervous as she unwrapped them, even though the budget was stretched to its limits and he shouldn't be buying them in the first place - surely this was what love was supposed to be. It was the stuff of fairytales, the romance most girls spent all their lives wishing for.

And then she saw the panic in his eyes when he realised he had confided too much, when he let her in too close. Sometimes he locked himself away for hours in his own thoughts, and nothing she said or did could reach him. She knew he didn't sleep - as she lay curled by his side each night, he simply stared at the ceiling and thought about things he would never share even with her. She couldn't miss the sharp glances he shot her siblings, as though to check they had no weapons pointed at him, and she couldn't help but wonder if he ever looked at her the same way. He adored her - adored all of them - but he didn't trust them. And deep down, she knew he never would.

In the end, it was her choice.

Comments

( 35 believers — Believe in me? )
ineptshieldmaid
Dec. 29th, 2008 09:20 am (UTC)
*stares*

Hmm. I like the choice thing. And your Caspian... makes *sense*, but is utterly foreign to me.
xxlucyferxx
Dec. 29th, 2008 10:51 am (UTC)
My Caspian is...well, sort of messed up. I try desperately hard to avoid the melodramatic 'omg so emo' stereotype, but you can't grow up the way Caspian did and not come out of it with at least a few trust issues. Thing is, he has absolutely no self-insight. He's impulsive, acts entirely on whatever he's feeling at any given moment, and he quite hates himself and dodges the issue by forcing himself into a mould of whatever he thinks the person he's interacting with wants him to be. He tries far too hard not to make mistakes, to the point where sometimes he can barely function, and naturally this leads him to make mistakes and push away all the people who might actually love him faults and all. He does gradually work things out, but at first he really does not cope well with being King. It's his relationship with Aslan that really starts to help him move forward...but I'm not sure how to portray that, because it brings me dangerously close to The Dreaded Allegory and I'm not sure I'm brave enough to go there.

I've been trying for quite a while to get him properly figured out so that he doesn't come across as the work of a twelve-year-old emo kid or something. All my past attempts at exploring him, or his relationship with his family, have fallen a bit flat in retrospect. I'm going to keep trying until I get the balance right. So while you're here...can I comission you to give me a kick in the pants if/when you see him becoming unrealistic?
ineptshieldmaid
Dec. 29th, 2008 11:00 am (UTC)
Heh, mine has trust issues too, but they're... odd. He's really emotionally open - if Ed weren't such a clodhead, he'd be able to read Caspian like a book. Lucy and Drinian certainly can. Caspian's missing some crucial pieces of the intimacy puzzle, though. I think he's a bit all-or-nothing, perhaps? Also, not brilliant at the talking part.

I suspect we may be modelling our Caspians just SLIGHTLY on ourselves? :P But then all my characters are slices off my character...

I can't promise you a kick in the pants when caspian becomes unrealistic - yours is a movieverse Caspian, and I'm really not sure what constitutes realistic there. You can do whatever you please. I WILL kick you in the pants if your writing of him gets overwrought, how's that for a deal?
xxlucyferxx
Dec. 29th, 2008 11:14 am (UTC)
That sounds pretty good to me.

Hmm, I'm not really sure...in some ways, Caspian has definite similarities to me. But in other ways, Caspian is the person I would really hate to be. I like to see myself as having a bit more self-awareness than him...although HE probably thinks HE'S self-aware too, and perhaps I'm so UNself-aware that I don't even realise how unself-aware I am...but based on what I know of my character (in which I may be totally deceived) and his, he is very much less aware of himself than I am. He is also a tad less mature, and an awful lot better at behaving himself (or at least making people THINK he's behaving himself).

As for your other comment...you're very much right. Reading back on that, it sounds horribly melodramatic and inconsistent...ugh. Like I said, unedited. But still...yuck. I really need to work on my tendency towards melodrama.
xxlucyferxx
Dec. 29th, 2008 11:17 am (UTC)
I guess what I was trying to do was look at it from Susan's point of view...she expects a lot more trust from someone she's intimately involved in, and she thinks she's proven herself perfectly trustworthy and done everything she can, so she's really at a loss as to why SHE hasn't managed to win his trust. Kind of like girls who fall for 'bad boys' and think that they and they alone can turn them around and bring out their inner sensitive souls.

Not saying that it didn't fall flat, because it did. But yeah.

And I probably should have put 'properly' or something there, or just re-worded it...he does sleep, of course. He's actually become a bit of an insomniac since the night he left the castle. But I didn't think that one out.
(no subject) - ineptshieldmaid - Dec. 29th, 2008 12:07 pm (UTC) - Expand
ineptshieldmaid
Dec. 29th, 2008 11:20 am (UTC)
Heh, Caspian's not all like me. He's more like a few traits shaved off and blown up. Ed's like that too, and there's this weird thing going on where his faults are faults I WISH I had. Not that it's necessarily healthy to be as emotionally closed off as Ed can be, but I'd rather that than Wear Your Heart On Your Sleeve me.

Reading back on that, it sounds horribly melodramatic and inconsistent...ugh. Like I said, unedited. But still...yuck. I really need to work on my tendency towards melodrama.

*shrug* maybe a bit, yeah. SPEAKING of working on things, how's that E/C coming along? I haven't even started the suspian thing, since I was doing all my thinking about pron in the car, but now I have the brother in the car with me. With whom I seem to wind up talking about pron quite a bit.
(no subject) - xxlucyferxx - Dec. 29th, 2008 11:31 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ineptshieldmaid - Dec. 29th, 2008 11:45 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ineptshieldmaid - Dec. 29th, 2008 12:03 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - xxlucyferxx - Dec. 29th, 2008 12:12 pm (UTC) - Expand
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(no subject) - ineptshieldmaid - Dec. 29th, 2008 12:37 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - xxlucyferxx - Dec. 29th, 2008 12:36 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - highlyeccentric - Dec. 29th, 2008 11:49 am (UTC) - Expand
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(no subject) - ineptshieldmaid - Dec. 29th, 2008 01:07 pm (UTC) - Expand
highlyeccentric
Dec. 29th, 2008 11:04 am (UTC)
to that effect:

'she knew he didn't sleep'. Really? Not ever? This is foolish. Either you mean he didn't sleep next to HER (which is an interesting variation on the trust thing...) or that he slept very little.

he simply stared at the ceiling and thought about things he would never share even with her.

Hm... the never even seems overdone. I think you haven't established that Susan ought to be an 'even'. You've shown Susan's catalogue of ways Caspian doesn't trust her, and you've shown his desire to court her, but you've not shown any sliver of trust on his part to suggest that 'even with her' has weight.
panthrsoul
Dec. 29th, 2008 11:35 am (UTC)
I love the emotions behind this! I know I can identify with them A LOT and that draws me in. As always you say so much even in the brevity.
xxlucyferxx
Jan. 5th, 2009 10:37 am (UTC)
Thanks so much! <333
kitoky
Dec. 29th, 2008 10:54 pm (UTC)
I'm completely in love with this little piece. It's so different, and wow!
xxlucyferxx
Jan. 5th, 2009 10:37 am (UTC)
Hey, thanks! :D
space_cpt_sarah
Dec. 31st, 2008 07:19 am (UTC)
I really like your portrayal of Caspian. He's too often shown as this perfect example of the shy, innocent gentleman, and I think his past is often completely disregarded. But your inclusion of the suspicion that I'm sure would have become second-nature to him, I really enjoyed. Good job.
xxlucyferxx
Jan. 5th, 2009 10:38 am (UTC)
Ah, dear Caspian. He's actually rather dysfunctional, as far as I'm concerned...glad you like it. He's difficult to work with, this one. And if I can get away with it without making everyone roll their eyes, so much the better!
magicornot
Jan. 3rd, 2009 01:28 am (UTC)
That was so lovely. This was very nicely done.
xxlucyferxx
Jan. 5th, 2009 10:39 am (UTC)
Ta muchly!
( 35 believers — Believe in me? )